Back from the pub and I stumble across a football match on some previously unwatched satellite channel. Turns out to be England vs Czech Republic, 7 minutes in.
First 20 mins: England look bright, creative, aggressive and organised. I’m impressed. Defoe looks great. The midfield is working.
20 mins: Sorry to have to say it, but Beckham just cost us the first goal. He followed play from the right wing over to the left touchline, but never got near making a tackle or getting in the way of the Czechs. As soon as they put the ball back over to their left, they had acres of space, and could run straight at our defence. Barry did his best to cause an obstruction, but you could see him looking around, thinking “where the fuck is my right midfielder?” Baros ended up with a shooting chance that Ashley Cole deflected past James’ save.
38 mins: Beckham keeps drifting over to the left, leaving Brown all alone. The Czechs nearly have another chance out of it. England keep looking lively, and fashion four shots on goal, including a hot one from Defoe inside the box that Czech does well to parry just before it fizzes past his head.
45 mins: Brown scores at one end, then makes a crucial defensive header at the other. Beckham’s delivery first from a free kick and then from the subsequent corner looks as awesome as ever; Brown anticipated that whipped delivery, got the run on his marker and pinged in a firm header at the near post. Moments later, he beats Baros to the ball on the six yard line and England come away with the ball.
First half summary – well I missed the first seven minutes, so I can’t comment on those. From what I saw the body language and attitude of this England side look a million miles away from their weak, unsure previous incarnations. Beckham is as frustrating as usual, Rooney is dropping too deep from time to time and Gerrard is doing the opposite; but they all look confident, keen, ambitious and energetic. It looks like Barry anchoring the midfield has given the rest of the midfield the confidence to play their natural games. Too much confidence when it came to the goal – what the fuck was Beckham doing?
They look like they know what plans B, C and D are, and they like them all. They look like a ton of stress has dropped off them. I’m afraid of typing these next words in case I jinx something, but: they look like a real team.
Second half: Heskey’s coming on. I sense long balls. Good luck to him, I like him, I always thought he should have tried out as a super-middleweight and got some of that niceness knocked out of him.
46 mins: soft free-kick given away, Jankulovsky bends a dreamy left-footed finish from outside the D. Czechs are a goal up again. Let’s see how England can respond.
47 mins: Just watched replays of that free kick. I’ve seen them more dramatic, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one better.
54 mins: Apparently John Terry is the captain. Apparently it’s a huge honour and a much bigger deal for English players than it is for their Italian manager. For the record, I couldn’t care less.
57 mins: at what point in the last 12 mins did the Czechs become the home side? They have possession and control. Subs – Joe Cole on for Gerrard, Woodgate on for Ferdinand. Useful tinkering.
76 mins: Bored now. England are back to circling around and prodding passes at each other like wary strangers. Jenas and Bentley on, Downing already getting his boots wet and scuffing crosses at the first defender like a good ‘un.
83 mins: we now have a bunch of individuals all trying to use the last 10 mins to impress the boss. It’s brown-nose football, and it’s ugly. We have Downing on the left and Bentley on the right, both lauded as great crossers, and they haven’t landed a single ball on big old Hesk’s noggin.
87 mins: Hesk finally gets his head on a long doozy from Wes Brown all the way back in his own half, and fouls the defender in the process.
90 mins: Boos and whistles of dread as announcer tells us we have four more minutes of this turgid rubbish to watch.
90+2 mins: what a bloody ugly mess of a goal. Czechs have a limpet-like fear of getting rid of the ball from the six yard box after an England corner, bodies tumble as the blocks go in, Joe Cole pokes it in off a falling Czech’s noggin.
Full time summary: frankly I can’t be arsed, you’ve just read all of this so you draw your own conclusions. I’m off to bed. G’night.
It was so rubbish! How you managed to blog about it as well astounds me! Well done
It was three pints of Carlsberg that wrote this post last night, I was just temporarily hosting them